May 19, 2021
Home Made Partners
Gardening © Viacheslav Iacobchuk | Dreamstime.com
v\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} o\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} w\:* {behavior:url(#default#VML);} .shape {behavior:url(#default#VML);}Sometimes we parents (especially single parents) get into a rut (or even a funk) about things that seem out of our control. Bad habits start to grow, become mountainous. Our kids are watching their role model and figure that’s what they’re supposed to be doing. They begin to start emulating our behaviors – good and bad.
As you’re seeing, just the way we handle our own selves has teaching effects on our children. Even innocuous daily activities and household chores influence our children’s development. Take charge of these influences; turn them into partnering activities where parent can grow out of the bad habits while offspring is learning to develop and nurture their own healthy routines.
Consider this as food for thought:
You want to get into better exercise habits. You want to develop better eating and dietary practices. What would happen if you had your child become your exercise buddies? Three times a week for, say 30 minutes each time. And it’s something the two of you do (like a contract or homework) on each of those days.
Kitchen and Kids/Parent Child © Evgenyatamanenko | Dreamstime.com
What would happen if you had your child start helping you with meal planning and figuring out better nutritional choices. That would involve creating a weekly meal plan, a grocery shopping list, a budget, finding and learning recipes. (Fun stuff done together.) Then the two of you are supporting one another to create a better lifestyle – nutritionally and in several other aspects.
On the Computer / Parent Child © Evgenyatamanenko | Dreamstime.com
Could doing school homework become a fun activity? You need to figure out how to explain or demonstrate the principle. That means becoming creative about doing the explanation or having a hands-on application. You need to research that – your own self-prescribed homework for the child’s homework! The bonus is you’re still learning, becoming empowered, developing new knowledge and skillsets. Horrors! You might even cause yourself to be considered for a salary increase, promotion, or a new job offer!
Back to being partners, this time in the area of self rewards:
What if you two gave yourselves periodic rewards for achieving a particular goal:
- Fulfilling a certain number of weeks of following your plan
- Maintaining a certain weight or measurement
- Celebrating a new physical fitness attainment
or whatever you choose that is a desirable goal. The trick is doing it together – with your “partner in crime” of murdering those old habits and mindsets.
On that note, why not create something to give one another acknowledgements and affirmations. For example:
- A sticky note on the bathroom mirror that says,
“You’re beautiful – even with that green stuff stuck between your teeth.” - Or a sticky note on the closet door that says,
“Don’t open me yet. I’m still getting into that smaller size.”
Here’s a fun idea. A note on the inside of the bedroom door that says:
“No. Don’t go out there. Then the rest of the world will see how amazing you are.”
Remember, keep your partner involved in the healthy development of both of you.
Resources:
- Why positive youth development works, Kristin Anderson Moore, Child Trends (April 11, 2016)
- 5 tips for continuous youth program improvement, Betsy Olson, University of Minnesota Extension (May 04, 2016)
- 10 Things You Can Do in Your Daily Life to Improve Your Personal Development, Nicolas Cole, Inc. Magazine (Oct. 9, 2016)
- The Greatest You: Face Reality, Release Negativity, and Live Your Purpose, Trent Shelton
- The Unmade Mind: Release Your True Self From Your Trapped Mind, Will Jones
January 16, 2018
Who Said This Was Going to Be Easy?
Some cracks in the wall need to be filled
There are times when it seems we’re challenged to even exist. The tide of events seem to be building into a tidal wave that will crush us. No matter what strategy is used to overcome the obstacles, be it interview for a job, having the proper qualifications, submitting a resume and cover letter, getting a raise or a promotion, being recognized for some effort that will actually prove beneficial for the entire department, nothing works out and the whole effort falls apart. During those times, it seems as though the ones who would have you fail are delighting in your struggles. And sometimes it seems as though they may even be adding a little kindling of their own for the sake of the entertainment – watching you fail.
I don’t know about you, but I sometimes talk to God about those times of futility. The types of conversations that go something like, “God, this is so hard,” or “God, why doesn’t anything work out,” or “God, why can’t this be easier?” He doesn’t actually answer but the thoughts that come in response to those mental conversations are pretty on point.
“Who said this was supposed to be easy?”
“If it were easy, there’d be no victory. It would be the same as going through the motions.”
And other, similar responses. And then the appreciation of the situation begins to come into focus. “Nothing I do seems to work out,” ruefully thought while the desire to crawl back into bed and pull the covers over your head start to sound like a good idea. “All that work and nothing to show for it except nothing – failure, no results. Defeat.”
Ah, then the hearkening epiphany as you think, “But how can I accomplish anything more if I’m sitting on my butt playing Solitaire?” Indeed. How can anything be accomplished if you have the covers over your head and are striving to put yourself into a coma, become PVS (persistent vegetative state)? Who wants to hire a vegetable for some type of position where the company is supposed to be earning money and creating customer satisfaction from their products and services? None that I know of.
The old adage is very true, the Lord helps those who help themselves. So you need to continue to put forth the effort to overcome these obstacles. Apparently, you haven’t done everything because your results are still in the negative. There’s something that’s missing from your strategy. It’s time to examine it to find the missing piece. It’s time to get some input, maybe even some alternatives and fresh ideas. But you can’t get those things if you’re asleep. It takes being actively engaged in fine tuning the efforts in order to reach the goal.
All those things that didn’t prove fruitful actually were useful. They were practice runs. There is now an awareness of what doesn’t work. There’s also an awareness of what doesn’t work in certain places. You’ve gained some knowledge of the places you’ve visited and the people who are there; it’s more than just a name on a website or brochure. There’s appreciation of what the culture is and whether there’s a good match. (HINT: You were supposed to be sizing up that information.)
There are things that should be part of one’s daily routine that are above the mere basics. Reading and exercise are two of them. Conversation and socialization are two more (and not sitting around grousing with your buddies on the corner). There needs to be time spent learning more about some subject and fine tuning one’s expertise in that area. It takes being motivated. It’s important to stick with a regular schedule as though you’re still working and are still required to be at your work station on time and ready to start (or resume) the project. Those all lead to being mentally alert and able to do what’s necessary.
Yes, it’s been hard. It’s taken a lot of work and you still don’t have anything (that you recognize) to show for the effort. Okay, make that efforts. Who said this was going to be easy? Where’s the victory in easy?
Resources:
- Process Improvement
- What Are You Reading?
- Be Tougher Than Your Life Is
- On Your Way to Building a Positive Attitude
- Total Quality Management
- Theories in Total Quality Management
- Five Disciplines
Sponsored Links:
- HR Genius practical skill building for the HR pro
- PHR/SPHR Certification Preparation Course
February 25, 2017
Humility
One of the most important things in Life is to make certain you do not take yourself so seriously that you forget to see the human side of you. It’s important to know how to laugh. Yes, even being able to appropriately know how and when to admit that you made a mistake is okay – as long as it isn’t a chronic condition. Being able to say you don’t know but will find out is acceptable.
When your nose goes into the air so high that people can see your nose hairs (and whatever other precious items they hold), you’re taking things too far and being pompous. Maybe you really are the resident expert about knowing or doing something.
Balanced and solid as a rock
Everyone will feel much more comfortable with your being human while sidestepping the allure to appear better than everyone else. Do you want to be included in things? Would you like to be invited to the festivities? Conduct yourself with dignity but also realize you’re just like everyone else. But also know that you have some special skills that are in demand. You’re good at what you do and everyone else knows it. They don’t need constant reminders; nor should you.
Sponsored Links:
October 29, 2016
Survivor and Disabled
There are many who have reached an unexpected status in the climb toward their goal, their dream career and a feeling of greatness in their own right. Some type of accident occurred. Maybe it wasn’t a physical accident but was an illness or even an unexpected turn of events. Injuries were sustained. A disability was the result. Sometimes it’s an obvious disability; sometimes not. Still, things are no longer done in the usual way – as they were done before.
The fact remains that the incident is now history. The person is a survivor. New skills need to be learned or old skills need to be adapted so that the race can be resumed and the competition for “best” can be turned into the trophy – a win – whether tangible or just the satisfaction of knowing the latest milestone was reached.
Building strength
Yes, there is now a new type of weight to carry in order to continue. But it doesn’t mean stop and start letting grass grow around your feet. There will be no dust collecting on this survivor. However, it is wise to do some self assessment so the internal strength and confidence, the confidence of self is what’s projected during interviews and while interacting with others. The last thing we need is doubt clouding our objectivity as we interview for the new job or make a return to the old one.
Preparation
First things first. Do that internal assessment. Find the person within. Make friends with them. Identify the innate strengths that were part of the package from the very beginning. Identify the newly acquired admirable qualities. They’re probably little things that were previously taken for granted. Acknowledge them and celebrate that they’re in your possession. Be a survivor of the race. Be a survivor – the one who got through the task.
Adaptation and Practice
So there’s something new in the picture. Maybe it isn’t obvious; it’s non-visible. All the better. It isn’t necessary to go around bragging (some would call it complaining or whining) about it. It’s simply something that is, like the nose on your face. When does it need to be mentioned? When an accommodation is required or when your endurance is tasked and you need an interval.
How to Toot a Horn
Meanwhile, there’s something else that needs to be done in the self assessment mode. That’s the time when the disability needs to be given serious thought. This disability has imbued you with the ability to adapt and develop new skills, maybe even new abilities. It’s forced you to identify skills that were previously overlooked. There were some critical things learned about bad habits that gave you this gift of disability. Be quick about identifying what those habits were so that can be countered in the future.
What are the new abilities? Why are they valuable? In what way will they make you an even better choice for the job or become a tool for being the best? Not only have you identified your own basis for validation, you’ve developed your own sales pitch during the interview or during the salary negotiations. (Just be certain it’s appropriate to make the disclosure. It may not be necessary except for convincing you of the advantage.)
Charisma
Once you’ve seized your confidence in new and old abilities, it’s time to charm others with your beguiling self. Do a little boasting about how good you are in a charming way, sort of in the sports field jocular manner guys have of ribbing one another or putting out a comrade’s challenge. Let the boast be about how skillfully you can be at what’s a desired skill for the role. Have a little fun with it. (We don’t have to be so serious as to be boring and up tight.)
Subtleties
So it may take a little extra time to do something. Or adapters may be required. That only means you need a little focused practice so that the specific talent can become second nature. If we have Special Olympians who are setting and breaking records in all events, so it is with you in your new state of being. How well you execute your duties without complaint is a testament to how well you can blend into the culture where you want to be.
Likewise, being erect in your stance is a subtle way of showing confidence. Speaking in a clear voice and without whispering or mumbling, is another way to achieve that. Good eye contact also works. (Just don’t stare or glare.)
Of course you’ve been reading and attending webinars to stay up to date on current practices. As you go through your interview discussion and questions, there may be a very opportune time to observe how that subject was so interesting when you read it or got more insight about it during the webinar (class, organization meeting). The point is, you’ve not been vegetating; you’ve been involved and engaged and are eager to be totally immersed in being part of, and the cause of, the mix.
Are We There Yet?
So, Survivor, what are you going to be doing next? What are you going to tell me (in a subtle and pleasant way) about why you are an outstanding person because you are a survivor?
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October 10, 2016
Following the Standard
Today I’ll start with a question.
Who in your industry is the leading figure in your area of specialty or your target career area?
Looking at the top
Just because they’re a noted leader in the industry doesn’t necessarily mean they are the best model. Sometimes it only means they have the most notoriety, know how to get invited to speak at plum industry conferences, is blustery enough to intimidate others so they won’t have the audacity to openly question their theories.
The next thing I want you to think about is the vintage of the list you just created. Are those the names of leaders from 15 or even 20 years ago? Maybe they aren’t really today’s leaders and you haven’t been keeping up with the current movers, shakers, and thought leaders in your industry. Which names are coming up a lot today? What is it they’re doing that’s creating such a stir? Search engine optimization isn’t that astounding. There’s something more to it.
Dissect your role models. Learn more about the what of who they are. Investigate the how of what they do and where they do it. Look at who they know and where they go to be around (also known as “network“, see #8) those people. It isn’t necessary to start emulating their habits and putting yourself into bankruptcy. There are starting points that can help you leverage your abilities, knowledge, and career vitality. Sometimes those starting points are in fraternal organizations that cater to your avocations (causes, hobbies, interests). Their existence is gratifying because they provide reason and purposefulness. The things you volunteer to do have meaning in some way – even if it’s merely staying fit or well read.
So, who are the leaders in your industry? Are they your role models? If so, it’s time to do a personal study of their habits and then adapt those habits to suit you and your purposes. And then carve your path to your destination.
Incidentally, it’s entirely possible that you may change your mind about your destination. That’s okay. But you have some points of light to help you understand whether you want to stand out from the crowd and how to do it. Just make certain you do it in the right way and have the best role models to guide you.
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